I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
