I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
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