First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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