he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
