We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Randomize
