Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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