just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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