Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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