so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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