Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
