I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
