i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
