All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
