I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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