I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
