i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
