just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
