for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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