We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
