I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
