Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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