I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
