this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
