Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
