That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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