she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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