Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
