Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
