yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
