Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
