On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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