i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
