dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
