I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
