hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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