I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
