Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
