I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Green mimosas i think yes
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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