Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
