she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
