I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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