You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
