i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
