Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
