2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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