Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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