im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
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Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
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I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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