I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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