My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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