your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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