ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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