My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
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