Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
