i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
