I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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