his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
