Whod you bang
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
