After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
