well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
