so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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