just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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