3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
