there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
