You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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