so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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