can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
