Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
this will be a night to untag.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
