Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Never let your siblings swipe right.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
