I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
