Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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