R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
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