i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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