ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
