mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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