That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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