return my video game
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
