I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You are the jesus of drinking
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
