I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
