I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
