Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
